It’s been awhile since I’ve written here.
I could try to explain, but mainly, I’d just like to quote my brother-in-law, Rolin Martin, upon the re-starting of his podcast (Everyday Expertise) after a break: “We’re back.”
I admit that I don’t quite know how to re-enter this world, but I know that I want to.
What are the reasons behind why I want to be here again?
First of all, the less I write, the less I have to write about. And that scares me. (I can journal endlessly for myself. It’s not that the words have left me. The skill that I am hoping to hone here is organizing my thoughts into something that can be enjoyable and beneficial for others to read.) I suspect that it is a slight anxiety issue for me: my amygdala activating the “freeze” response in my brain, causing my mind to feel blank and bleak. I haven’t pinpointed yet why this happens to me when I think about writing, but I’m told the way forward is to go through. Through the very valley of the shadow of death. Ugh. It is so much easier for me to be quiet. But also… silence doesn’t quite sit right with me. So here I am. As always, I’m grateful for those of you who gently journey with me.
Secondly, Luci Martin is currently sharing a post every single day on her blog, and she writes so warmly about ordinary life AND larger issues that it reassures me that there is power and beauty in sharing the ordinary things and gives me a craving to do the same.
And on that note, I shall share a few small ordinary details of my life with you, to catch you up.
- Every morning, right after I wake up, I go stand at the window for a few moments to pray, drink my water, and see what there is to see. Every morning, the glorious golden tree across the street is a little emptier of its leaves. I like to be aware of the small things like this. They seem important.
- Speaking of mornings… we’ve been waking up early around here. I’m talking 5:00 a.m. early. Waking up early has never been a simple thing for me. Do I want to be an early riser? Why do I feel like I should be one? Is it beneficial for me to be an early riser? I’m hoping to write more about this sometime.
- This morning (Sunday), I went on a walk to ponder whether I really wanted to start blogging again, and I stopped to buy a drink. When I stepped out of Tim Hortons, Christmas cup in hand, it was just starting to snow. The air was so crisp, the sky so grey, AND my vanilla latte was delicious. (Is it just me, or have Tim Hortons drinks been extra variable lately?) It was easy to be present in that moment. I’m trying to practice existing fully in the moment I am in, rather than engaging constantly with the past ore the future. My ability to focus is lacking, and it shows itself in a myriad of areas. I’m excited about pursuing growth in this area. I’d like to write more about this sometime, but first I need to spend some time thinking and practicing.
- I’m a student these days. Conestoga College, the Educational Support program. It has been a learning experience in many, many ways. I’m grateful for the opportunity to study and grow, and to learn how to assist well in classrooms. One thing that this experience has revealed to me is how often I let fear dominate any new situation. It’s almost impossible for me to approach new things with excitement, because I am so afraid of them. I’m trying to learn how to utilize the glimmers of excitement that work their way through the fear. To pay attention to them and then to remember them in the moments when I feel purely scared. I’m hoping to share more thoughts on the process of learning and growing sometime.
- For our Christmas present this year, Ricky and I chose to buy a new bedframe and mattress. After six years of marriage, we are upgrading from our double bed and mattress (I brought these to the marriage with me) to a queen size. Yes, we are a little worried about losing each other in the night. Thank you for asking.
How to end this little post?
A blessing, perhaps.
What does your life look like these days? Did you survive the time change? How do you feel about the dark evenings? Are you a morning person? If so, HOW? Can you teach me? Do you like a big bed or a smaller bed? Have you had good luck with Tim Hortons’ drinks lately?
(Clearly, the main reason I am taking up blogging again is so that I can ask you guys questions. I love to hear your answers!)